My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize