That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
