oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
