Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
This baby is an asshole
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
