you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
