Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
