Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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