I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
