I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
