So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
