just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
