the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
