Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
