afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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