worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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