I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
