I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize