you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
