She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
