Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
