Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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