their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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