Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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