I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
