You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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