Do you still have your period?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
