Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
