I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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