I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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