I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jerry, you need to find god
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
