Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
