Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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