im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just pee around me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
