I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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