hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
