Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
