haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
