i jhust puked up my retainher.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
