Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize