she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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