it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
