I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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