we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
