Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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