Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
