Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize