he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
