Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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