if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize