I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
