why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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