help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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