just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
