so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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