Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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