It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you traded sex for a burrito?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
