yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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