in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
