you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize