If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
