He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
