Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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