Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
