i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
