Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You can't special order awesome
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
