uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he puts the penis in happiness.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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