Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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