We're facebook friends in real life
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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