the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
